Definition Of Dowry :- Dowry or Dahej is the payment in cash or/and kind by the bride's family to the bridegroom' s family along with the giving away of the bride ( called Kanyadaan) in Indian marriage . Kanyadanam is an important part of Hindu marital rites. Kanya means daughter, and dana means gift.
I Hate this word Dowry, reason? its just buying the bridegroom with huge amount of money, or in other words he sells himself, to the girls family,I am sure in all those marriages where Dowry is appreciated, love in between the two families, is never established, the bride's father saves all his earnings from the time the daughter is born, and one fine day all his savings are gone with his daughter to the grooms family. I call these families "SHAMELESS", specially the groom who cant protest against this crime, if he is not capable enough to feed himself or buy the luxuries of his life, then he has no right to enjoy the hard earned money of an elderly person who is his father in law.
I know few of my male friends who justify the Dowry system, according to them, its just a gift in the form of cash, Dude forget it, i know gifts cant be for hundreds of thousands of rupees, that is literally demanded to the brides parents, i even know guys who set their rates, if doctor 50,00,000 rupees, if Engineer 25,00,000 rupees, if he is settled in abroad then the amount is so high that even a higher middle class family father cant afford to pay the amount. I have no regrets to say "they are not Men" If you are really Educated enough you should wisely judge between right and wrong.
I am writing against this evil crime because of 2 reasons:
1. Last year one of my childhood friends, got married to a normal earning guy, i took 2 days leave from office we did lots of planning for the wedding day, on the wedding day i was all the time with her, clicked many pictures, every thing was very good, one year later they are no longer with each other, my friend Anjali is living with her widow mom and sister with a new born baby. I think of the day one year back, and today i see her without husband , the only reason is, her husband never liked her, he agreed to marry her because her mom offered the guys family a huge amount of money, which her father saved when he was alive, she did keep her promise, but the amount was little less. When i see her with her son in her lap tears fill my eyes.
2. This year there is another wedding of my childhood friend Tara, she was in love with a guy from the telugu community from a very young age, now that both the families have agreed to the marriage, the real demon came in the love story, "Dowry" the guys family demanded a 3 bedroom flat in the heart of the city, a huge cash because the boy earns good, branded clothes for all the relatives from the grooms family and a car. Lord save me, i pity on Taras father who has to give away all his earnings and savings to his son in law, come on Mr. groom this cannot be called as a gift, agree to the fact that u are demanding,making Tara feel that she took a very wrong decission to love you, are you not getting Tara? cant you see that God gifted you the women whom you love? will Tara ever forgive you for putting so much of burden on her father?
Hhhhhmmmm.......... Lord please save me from these kind of guys whom i don't consider as men, they don't have the confidence to be bold enough to go against his parents and say no to dowry.
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4 comments:
Somehow lady you came accross the victims not the beneficiaries.I attended the marriage of Bharati M.Sc (Maths) high second class.An engineer highly paid in a private firm liked her very much . He told his parents.They went to the bride`s house and requested her.They agreed. Normal minimal formalities like clothes were exchanged. Now Bharati`s mother in law tells her "look after your health, I want to be a granny soon ".
My niece is getting married on 31st of this month. Both the bride(upper middle class) and groom(very very rich) are MS from Virginia. Five types of sweets and exchange of rings finished the betrothal. NO DOWRY . Bride and groom are jointly shopping in Chennai and Hyderabad mostly with groom paying the bills.
Look around lady (girl!) You are missing REAL MEN
Times are changing fast. Many grooms are refusing dowry and insisting that their parents should not demand. But money being an evil some are still tempted
Thank you so much for the loads of gyan on this topic...
I must say you do a lot of research.
from my point of view whatever you said in your post is something beyond the truth.. i wud rather say its the most ruthless concept in the entire cluster of civilizations...
BUT PAUSE FOR A SECOND
Now think twice......
Isnt it true that the worlds most beautiful inventions were used for the worst criminal acts ever.
a knife can just be used to cut vegetables and also at point of times to cut throats.
Nuclear technology was also the same. it was something to help society reduce the stress on power source but more often its used weapons.
So what i mean to say is since a word like dowry exists and removing it from a society like ours is difficult lets change the meaning of the word.
Treat Dowry as GIFT. Give it with fair intentions. Let the legendary crime act turn into a noble one.
when i say that dont even think that i encouraging the old dowry system.
In marriages in india grooms parents spend some real gud money for brides jewelery and for her sarees but its never considered as dowry... they wud never give their son something more like it ever in their life. I was so annoyed when we went for my brothers marriage shopping to c that we were the worst spendthrefts ever and all we bought was womens clothes gold and all other goods necessary to serve thousand five hundred people. now can u justify this. I was completely mad at my parents. on other hand the brides parents had very little to do. just invite their relatives and bring some varieties of sweets. and to worsen my aggression all people had to talk about was dowry in marriage. Boys hardly get a fair deal out of it. And the property that the bride brings often is registered in both their names. common now if u r talking hard cash i dont think now anyone wants it. Kanyadaan's all extinct. Women get the privilege to marry men whom they desire like some SWAYAMVAR.
So just snap out of it.
Talk about people who try to make money out of the marriages killing the bride and how many cases do u see 1 in a million... its the illiteracy that has to go from society so that people can live in peace and practice their beliefs...
But i doubt it too. the most literate fellows of the world are the worst terrorists ever whats the point.
Dear Arpita,
I like what you 've write in this blog.
I am not an Indian. But I hate dowry. Is so selfish and without love AT ALL.
God will bles all the women /girls in the world.
My advice to all india female :
You are special please say NO to Dowry. God always be there to loves you and take care of you. Educate your self and always pray to God.
Thank you
Bless you all Indian female.
DS
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